I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
