so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
