oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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