i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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