My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize