I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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