I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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