my mouth tastes like poor choices
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Couch. On fire.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
