evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
