I hate your face
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
