your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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