Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
