I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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