I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Soap is not a condiment
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
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I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
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You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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