idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
