I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
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But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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