I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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