im so drunk with asians
where?
always
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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