I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
