I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
