I wanna passion pit in your ass
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
