im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
we should paint friendship bongs
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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