You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
