I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
