You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
