Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
