I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
