i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize