I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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