I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
barbara walters just said penis...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
