i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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