i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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