what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
two words: eviction party
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
