So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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