So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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