i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
