I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
