are you so shy because you have an std?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
