I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
