How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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