I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
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I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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