this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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