last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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