cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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