haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I will die if light touches me.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
