We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
