This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
