i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
