Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i out mim tonsoeep
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