wakey wakey hands off snakey
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
