I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
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Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
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I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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