im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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