Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
