did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
