Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize