Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
