It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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