My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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