so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
