with your own penis?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
