brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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