Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just cropdusted the office
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
