he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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