No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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