Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
