I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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