the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he just fucked me for my cheese.
All the doctor said was why
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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