I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
