What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
