my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
