i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
